Service and the Art of Gratitude

Last year I served as a volunteer camp counselor at a place called Camp Horizon and it all but forced me to quit my job in pursuit of something more meaningful. My experience as a freshman counselor inspired me to write this post titled, “12 Reasons to Engage in Service.”

My experience at camp this year affected me in a big way once again. Today I want to share a few stories from my week at camp (7/21 – 7/28) and what happened when I got back.

What’s important to understand about Camp Horizon is that every camper who arrives at camp has qualified for our programs because he or she is in state custody due to abuse or neglect at home. That’s pretty heavy stuff and it’s no joke. Although the kids have a ton of fun and act like regular, fun-loving kids in so many ways… they all have heartbreaking backgrounds that have landed them at camp in the first place.

Because of their backgrounds, we’re not allowed to take pictures, not allowed to mention their names outside of camp, and not allowed to have contact with them outside of sanctioned camp events throughout the year. These are all necessary safety precautions that serve both camper and counselor, but it also means that a counselor’s entire experience at camp begins and ends with our arrival to and departure from Camp Twin Lakes.

Now that we’ve got the background straight, back to the story:

My camper was the youngest at camp, just seven years old, in a place where the stated age of campers is 8-11. He came to camp because his brother and sister were both attending and he really didn’t like the thought of being left out. He was the first off the bus when the campers arrived to Camp Twin Lakes in Rutledge, GA. I knew immediately that he would be a funny kid to hang out with by the fact that he was wearing the camp founder’s huge clown sunglasses and took his welcome to camp picture with a cool lean and arms crossed.

I don’t know how often you get to hang out with 7-yr-olds, but my camper told me he was entering first grade… first grade! He was still just a child in many ways, not the least of which was that he wanted to be carried everywhere. I don’t mind that fact, but I can assure you that by day 6, constant piggyback rides and shoulder rides wreak havoc on a person’s back. (Note to self for setting my unborn children’s back-riding expectations.)

What made the cricks in my neck and sore back so worth it was the joy that my camper got out of just sitting on my shoulders for a few blocks’ worth of walking. He wanted everyone in the world to watch him getting the treat of riding along on the back of someone who cared for him.

Now, my camper was not just a back-riding little kid… No, no. He wanted to be sure that I worked out my chest and shoulders as well. He quickly found his favorite pool activity was being launched into the air and doing backflips. Think 250 reps of 60 lb front raises at the gym throughout the week. But you should have seen this kid’s face when his little head popped out of the water after every one of those flips. He. Was. Ecstatic.

The flip side of a camper as young as mine is that they have had so little time to learn to recognize, process, and control their emotions. For my young camper, that meant he had a very hard time calming down after he would get frustrated or angry. Having to wait for snack time, leaving the pool, being tired, not being good at an activity… these were all things that caused various levels of frustration.

Throughout the week we had to work as a team to learn how to recognize when he was getting worked up, how best to deal with the frustration, and then get back to having fun. It was exhausting for me. I had to dig to a place within myself that I didn’t know existed to find the patience and caring to help this child become a better version of himself, which is a major goal of camp.

Luckily, with plenty of help from the Camp Horizon staff, we came up with ways for him to process his frustration, use his words to talk about it, and then get him back in the game of having a blast. We learned breathing techniques in yoga class that helped him cool down. He pinpointed drawing as a great way to release some anger when he got worked up. And I learned to pick up on cues that signaled an upcoming bout of frustration. I learned to feel his chest for increased heart rate, and we got better and better about taking preventive measures to keep camp fun for him.

There were so many more experiences that made this past week of camp both rewarding and challenging, but the point is not to give you a play by play of the week. The point is to say that I learned and grew as a person by learning to love, be patient, empathize, support, and have an unwavering sense of commitment to my camper’s growth.

Focusing for 24 hours a day for a full week is so hard… but when we got to the last night of camp and I was sitting next to my camper in our cabin of 8, my camper reminded me why I dig deep, find patience I don’t know if I have, and push myself beyond exhaustion…

We had learned to do a breathing exercise before bed that lasted about 5-6 minutes every night. He would breath in deep over and over as he squeezed different parts of his body and then released the tension. And at the end, he would continue his deep breathing while I had him envision vivid scenes of nature, fun, and companionship in his mind. He was out cold by the time we finished the exercise each night.

On that last night, he stopped me before we did the exercises (he knew he would be asleep by the time we finished). He looked me in my eyes and he said: “I’m gonna miss you, buddy. I’m gonna miss you.”

For every logical, self-serving reason I could give for going out and serving others… My camper’s words on that last night tell me everything I need to know about why I invest in the lives of others. I can’t replace those words with anything else in my life. They come from a place of absolute gratitude. A place of absolute love. A place that knew in the morning he had to return to the life that landed him at camp in the first place. And although it may now be a safe place, it’s never an easy place.

My camper reminded me what it means to be grateful. He reminded me of what it means to serve with an open heart. He reminded me that no matter how much I read, connect with mentors, build a business, or whatever… Nothing in the world teaches so well as the words, “I’m gonna miss you, buddy.”

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How to Get Un-Stuck

This post is the third and final post of what has become a three part series, which started with Don’t Get Stuck, continued with How to Know When You’re Stuck, and finishes today with How to Get Un-Stuck.

Getting Un-Stuck: Career

Dig deep and find out what kind of work you love. Ask yourself the tough questions about why you ended up in your current job, what you always wished you could do for a living, and what your absolute passion is. If you need help, shoot me an email.

Schedule lunch with a colleague this week. Work sucks when we don’t like the people we work with. We often don’t like what we don’t know. Get to know a colleague you’ve long been wanting to get to know better or maybe one you don’t understand.

Set a professional goal completely outside of your job description or performance metrics. Job descriptions and performance metrics are what make life at work boring. They trick us into limiting ourselves to once set of tasks or accomplishments. Throw that stuff away for thirty minutes and brainstorm some goals that would be fun, cool, or beneficial to accomplish. Write one down, put it in your office or cubicle, and make it happen… Start with step one today.

Learn a new skill. Almost every major university has online training in typical school subjects and skills-based learning. Many companies offer great training programs that don’t get taken advantage of. Find one that looks intriguing and sign up. Then SHOW UP!

If all else fails, start a side hustle doing the work you love. I can’t tell you how many blogs I read that inspire people to get passionate about life by starting a side hustle outside of work. If you’re really in a rut and doing work that is monotonous and you can’t change it, invest in a side hustle. A side hustle takes your great love or passion and puts it to work making money. Set a goal of making just $500 from your passion in the next three months. Failure is not an option. If you want more resources, send me an email.

Getting Un-Stuck: Relationships

Whether you are in a relationship or not, go on a date. If you’re in a relationship, find a restaurant, a show, or anything else new and potentially exciting and invite your significant other to go there with you. Get it on the calendar today! If you’re not in a relationship, ask someone on a friendly date. It’s not the end of the world if they say no, and you might have a blast if they say yes!

Plan a dinner or activity with friends. It’s easy to end up partying with our friends, especially as young professionals. It’s something consistent that is always an option, and nobody has to do any planning. Everyone just shows up at a bar and that’s that… But if you really care about your friends, plan a dinner or outing with your core group where you can spend quality time together. You’d be surprised at how much fun you can have in the absence of a bar if you’re willing to put in some effort!

Place at least one random phone this week to someone you care about. It takes maybe 30 minutes, and it can substantially change the trajectory of that person’s day. Call them and just start the conversation by saying: I was thinking about you and I wanted to see how you were doing. Let it carry on from there.

Put a reminder on your calendar each week to tell someone you love them. We don’t say I love you enough. Period. Do it.

Surprise a loved one with a hand-made gift, note, or meal. We don’t have to spend much money to give a pleasant surprise. Use your hands to make a gift, write a note, or try a new recipe and give it to someone you care about.

Give your kids one entire day of undivided attention. Yes, the whole day. Kids can be annoying. They can seem like a lot. Sometimes you just need some time away. But on the kid’s end, sometimes they just want your undivided attention. So give it to them – for just one day. Don’t you think you’ll look back fondly on a day sans to-do list, cell phone, and errands?

Getting Un-Stuck: Personal Growth

Go to your favorite physical bookstore and buy the ONE book that looks most interesting, fun, or promising. Pick a book, any book. Enjoy it within the next week. If you don’t start and end it immediately, it will sit on your shelf and not get read. Reading gathers momentum, and in a couple of months you might find you have a new favorite store and hobby!

Take 4 hours of vacation time from work and do something you love. If you’re allowed to take half-days, do it. By yourself. Don’t tell anyone. Sneak away for the afternoon and do something you love. Whatever it is, just enjoy it and don’t worry about anything else in the world.

Set 3 stretch goals for 2012. Not resolutions… goals. Things you can accomplish and be proud of. If you don’t usually set goals, just use them for things you normally do, but give them intention. If you already use goals, set some goals that will expand for comfort zone or encourage you to experience new things.

Find your local Habitat for Humanity affiliate (or charity of choice) and schedule a day of service for you (extra points for you AND your family). There are a million organizations that need our help right now. It is always a perfect time of year to support those in need just because. Give it a shot and see what you think!

Whatever made you leap for joy when you were a child… Make time for that at least once in the next two weeks. Whatever we do, it is so important that we don’t forget our childish joy. Just have fun. Do it with friends, or family, or by yourself. But please, over the next two weeks, do something that made you leap for joy as a kid.

Have other techniques for getting unstuck, or generally enjoying life? Please share in the comments!

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How to Know When You’re Stuck

As promised, this post is a follow-up to Monday’s post, Don’t Get Stuck.

Almost inevitably there will come a time in each of our lives where we get stuck. Yes, we can all strive to grow constantly and experience new things, but it’s hard not to go through a stale period at some point. And that’s ok. It’s not the end of the world to be stuck, but it is the end of the world not to realize we’re stuck.

The end of the year is a perfect time to evaluate whether we might be stuck in a certain area of our life. It means we can recognize we are stuck, acknowledge what we need to do to get unstuck, and put the feeling behind us in pursuit of an exciting, growth-filled new year.

On Monday we’ll talk about how to get un-stuck, but for now let’s look at a couple of areas in which we can be stuck and then consider some thought-provoking questions to recognize how stuck we just might be.

Stuck: Career

A stale career can mean many things, but most of all it means waking up everyday without a pep in your step. It means showing up to work, acting like a drone (as opposed to a person with a ton of potential to contribute) and then going home. It means forgetting all about your passion and dreams in the name of a ‘steady job.’ Being stuck in a career means waiting on payday but never really doing much to go above and beyond… because its just not worth it.

If you are one of the few people who only works 40 hours a week, you still spend nearly 25% of your total hours at work every week. Take away 7 hrs of sleep every night and you’re spending 33% of your waking hours at work every week. Take away 2 hrs total time wasted getting to and from work… You see where this is going.

We spend way too much time working every week to be ok with being stuck. Here are some questions to help wake you up from the fog. I think you’ll know what kind of answer means you might be stuck.

When is the last time you were excited to get out of bed and go to work?

How many things can you think of that you love about your job?

Do you ever go above and beyond your goals and performance metrics just because?

What would you say is your purpose in showing up to work everyday?

When is the last time you significantly impacted the life of a colleague, boss, or customer?

Do you look forward to Monday or Friday more?

When is the last time you threw out a new idea at work and had it stick? Heck, when is the last time you brainstormed and threw out a new idea period?

When is the last time you got to be creative at work?

How much variety exists in your work day? Do you have any control over that variety?

Deep down in your soul… are you doing work that you love? Work that is fulfilling?

Stuck: Relationships

Humans are social creatures. At some level, every single one of us thrives on relationships. We were built that way. Maybe we have a very small group of trusted friends… Or maybe we have a large array of acquaintances with whom we keep in contact. But one way or another, stuck is no way to show the people in our lives we care about them and value their contributions to our lives.

Stuck in a romantic relationships means taking the other person for granted. It means forgetting the little things, not expressing our love, and sitting on the couch on nights and weekends instead of experiencing the world together. It means never surprising one another with fun gifts or a good meal.

Stuck with family means treating them like they’ll always be there. It’s picking petty fights with our siblings and parents, because that’s what we’ve always done. Being stuck with family is not going out of our way to show them how special they are. Being stuck with family means not encouraging them to grow and have fun together. It’s showing up at Sunday dinner because we have to, not because we want to. It’s telling the kids you’ll go outside and play later… because you’re tired.

Stuck with friends means we let the relationships whither. We go out drinking because its easy. No one makes solid plans because something else might come up that’s more intriguing. It’s letting birthdays pass and occasions for celebration lapse without batting an eyelash. Stuck with friends is letting the years go by without ever really having those experiences together you always dreamed and laughed about in college. You know – those someday conversations that get lost in time.

Significant others, family, and friends are too special to take them for granted. They mean too much to get stuck. Here’s some questions for consideration:

Do you have a significant other? 

If not, is this intentional, or just for lack of trying?

If so, when is the last time you went on a date to experience something new together?

When is the last time you planned a dinner for you and all of your closest friends?

When is the last time you did something other than go out drinking with your friends?

How often do you call or see in-person the people you care most about?

When is the last time you went out of your way to do something incredible for a friend, significant other, or family member?

How often do you have fun with your family?

When is the last time you told someone you loved them?

How many people are you taking for granted that deserve better?

If you have children, when is the last time you woke up and asked them what they wanted to do… And then made sure they had that experience all day?

When is the last time you surprised someone close to you with a gift, experience, or visit?

Stuck: Personal Growth

Being stuck personally is reaching a peak and deciding the harder to reach peaks aren’t worth the valleys in between. Stuck means not learning, not growing, not expanding our skills because it might be risky. It’s settling for mediocre because excellence or greatness is scary.

Being stuck personally means ignoring our dreams and the things that truly make us come alive… Because that stuff’s for kids. It’s cooking the same five dinners every week because it takes effort to find a new recipe or item in the grocery store. It’s letting our health go because ‘that’s just what happens as we get older.’ It’s just showing up instead of thriving on the joys of life.

Being stuck personally means not pushing ourselves to experience new things.

But life is about learning, and trying new things, and getting outside, and playing and having fun. Life is too exciting to be ok with getting stuck. Our personal growth is the core of our being. It’s who we are. Here are some questions to consider your personal growth and whether or not you’re stuck:

When is the last time you read a book?

When is the last time you learned a new skill?

When is the last time you did something selfishly fun?

What made you leap with joy when you were a child? When is the last time you experienced that feeling?

Do you have a mentor?

When is the last time you took a class, hired a personal coach, or took lessons of some sort?

How long has it been since you found a new recipe to experiment with in the kitchen?

How many times do you exercise every week?

When is the last time you did something you loved outdoors?

When did you last try a new restaurant?

How many trips have you taken in the last year? How many trips have you taken to new destinations in the last year?

How often do you set personal and professional goals?

Of all of the things, experiences, people, and places in the world… What do you love most? How often do you make your great loves a priority in your life?

When was the last time you took a day, or evening to let go of all responsibility and do exactly what you want to do without feeling even remotely guilty?

How many times in the past year have you done some kind of community service or volunteering?

We’ll all get stuck at one point or another. That’s ok. We can always get unstuck. But first, we have to recognize that we’re stuck and might need help getting out. Stop back by on Monday for a post on getting unstuck and making the most of our career, relationships, and personal growth to experience life, love, and happiness just like we were designed to.

In the mean time, would you add anything to this post? What questions do you ask yourself to make sure you’re not stuck? How often do you take the time to do a self-audit and ensure you’re not spinning your wheels?

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If you enjoyed reading, please consider subscribing to this blog in the top right hand corner of any post! You can use the social media sharing buttons at the bottom of every post to spread those you particularly enjoy… And if you’d like to join the conversation, comment in the field below!

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Winning or fun?

Let me start by saying that I understand that winning and fun are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I am so competitive that I most often have fun in sports and other competitive undertakings when I am winning. However, there is an important distinction to be made here.

The distinction comes from the intention when you start a new undertaking. Are you there to win or are you there to have fun?

This idea comes from the fact that I have joined one of my church’s softball teams, and we’re just not that good. We have won only once in the five or six games since I started playing (insert joke about my athletic ability here). But I didn’t join to win games. I joined the team to have fun. I joined the team to get the chance to be on a softball field every Saturday with the sun shining overhead.

And you know what? Sometimes I have to remind myself of that…. It’s not about winning. Not on this team anyway. To be certain, we want to win, but the fun and fellowship and exercise and the feeling that comes from friendly competition are what it is really all about.

The ‘manager’ of the team checks in with me every week after our games to make sure that I still want to come back. I suppose he thinks that I’ll leave the team to join one that wins games reliably. But I won’t. My team is my team and I’m not going to go join another church’s squad just to win games.

So what are you in it for? Are you in it to win, or are you in it to have fun? There is nothing wrong with either perpective, and I think both are important in given situations. But if you join a team or pick up a hobby to have fun… Keep that in mind as time goes on, because we all need to have fun. And if we turn fun into trying to win, then fun just turns into another to-do list and another thing to get frustrated about.

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